Who Can Win a Cockfight?
1 - The battle will take place in the cock-tagon.

2 - All attacks must emanate from the dong/penis.

3 - First guy to quit loses.
Spenny must take a hit from a joint made of the crew's body hair.
Original airdate
December 11, 2009

Who Can Win a Cockfight? is the fifth episode of the sixth season. The guys must have a cockfight, with their actual genitals. They have a set amount of time to prepare any gadgets and defense mechanisms they need, but it all amounts to a fight, the weapons being their own penises. The one who concedes defeat during the fight loses the competition.

The CompetitionEdit

Kenny allocates a disproportionate amount of importance on the competition, but Spenny does not fully grasp the mechanics of their upcoming scuffle. After the rule-making, the guys retreat to their own rooms. Spenny has his legs up on his desk and is singing, seemingly satisfied with the prospect of the competition. He's realized that the competition has a ridiculous premise and is under the impression that Kenny will never be able to hurt him with only his penis. Kenny, meanwhile, performs various penis-related gags in his own room, including driving a bunch of nails into a rubber penis sprouting from his pants. 

While Spenny rants to the camera about Kenny's penis size not being as great as the latter claims it to be, Kenny makes an appearance in a bath robe. He opens it, surprising everyone in the room when an enormous skirt steak is seen hanging from his groin. He terrorizes Spenny and destroys his office with his meat. He runs back upstairs when the business end of the steak gets torn up, and returns to his room to dip it in milk as part of a farce.

Spenny is downstairs with his crew in an improvised ring, his penis sticking out of his fly. Kevin Morgan, his unit coordinator, volunteers to step into the ring with a duster as a fake penis for Spenny to practise his fighting on. When this yields no results, his crew suggests he fight with an erection. In the kitchen, Kenny has an electric motor knife in his pants and is slicing bananas with it. 

Spenny is in his room and uses a penis enlarger pump to enhance the size of his member. He injures his penis when the suctioned pump is torn off. Once the pain subsides, he goes upstairs to have a discussion with Kenny, who has strapped a small dog to his underwear. Having been seen with a weapon on his penis, Kenny has inspired Spenny to tape two knives on either side of his penis. Spenny once again practises with Kevin, who is now also sporting fake testicles made from balloons. While at first the knives seem to have no effect, Spenny eventually manages to develop a technique capable of popping them with some ease. 

Kenny has gone to the basement with a newly-acquired vat full of liquid nitrogen. The crew sets up a mannequin (as a Spenny stand-in) with a small pickle acting as a penis. Kenny freezes it using the liquid nitrogen and smashes it with a hammer. Later, he pours sulfuric acid on the mannequin and yet more fruit, but is dismayed when nothing happens. His plans to weaponize chemicals are now foiled.

Spenny preaches his own pacifism while on his way to a dojo who will attempt to train him to fight with his penis. He casually socializes with his trainer while being stretched out by the latter. Kenny has taken to scavenging random do-dads from around the house. He enthusiastically begins production of his new device. Back at the dojo, the trainer has Spenny lunge penis first into a thick hand-held pad. Spenny is able to put all his weight behind each strike, pushing his teacher backwards. He gains a large boost in confidence after hearing positive feedback from his teacher.

At home, Kenny has taken to sawing and welding pieces of his knick-knacks together. Spenny returns home and hears noises coming from the basement. He sneaks down, not alerting Kenny or his crew, and spots Kenny's new machinery through a hole in the wall. Suddenly fearing for his genitals, Spenny makes his way to a parts store, where a robotics technician helps him find parts for a mechanized weapon. Progress is considerably slowed when Spenny rejects all of the technician's suggestions. Progress is halted altogether when the news is broken to Spenny that the building of his new devices could take weeks. 

Spenny has returned home and it is time for the fight. Spenny is using his old knife setup and sporting armor made from tinfoil and tin pans. Kenny is completely naked besides his machine, a wig, and being completely covered in white powder. His device includes a roman candle, a torch, mace, an aerosol can, a laser beam, and a smoke machine. Spenny is terrified of Kenny's weapon, and the latter uses the laser beam, pointing it at Spenny's head. A combination of the torch and aerosol creates a flamethrower. The roman candles (firecrackers) are fired into Spenny's chest, back and face. A combination of all these weapons prevents Spenny from closing the distance between them. Kenny finally uses the mace to end the fight, spraying Spenny's eyes, and deploying the smoke screen. An overwhelmed Spenny gives up the fight, having pricked his finger on the wire around the cock-tagon. Kenny claims victory while the crew takes Spenny outside to wash his eyes out.