Who Can Squeeze More Boobs?
1 - All "squeezing" must be performed on camera.
Kenny eats popcorn kernels, removes them from his feces, makes popcorn with them, then leaves them out in the open for an unknowing Spenny to eat.
Original airdate
November 20, 2009

Who Can Squeeze More Boobs? is the second episode of the sixth season. The guys must touch people's breasts. Whoever has touched the most by the end of the competition is the winner.

The CompetitionEdit

Kenny comments on the crew's observations of a lack of a female presence on the show. Thus the inception of the competition: who can squeeze more boobs. Spenny comes up with a point system for the competition. 

  1. Having girls flash their breasts at them - 1 point
  2. Copping a feel over the shirt - 2 points
  3. Reaching under the shirt - 3 points

As Kenny touches Spenny's nipple as the latter reads rule 2, Kenny makes a show of pointing out that Spenny's nipples are erect. Once the presentation is finished, Spenny quietly retreats to the bathroom upstairs to present his idea to the camera. He's noticed a loophole in the rules which allows him to touch the breasts of both men and women. Having also noticed that he seems to be popular among gay men, Spenny heads to the gay district, where he believes he will net himself a good head start, or possibly a victory's worth of points. 

Kenny is still at home on the computer. He has stolen Spenny's credit card and is using the information on it to pay women on the internet to flash their breasts via webcam. Meanwhile, Spenny comes across as very forward, harassing men on the street (whom Spenny thinks will be instantly attracted to him) and asking them to touch their breasts. All of his offers are turned down. 

Kenny has moved on to the Canadian National Exhibition, where he carries two huge stuffed animals through crowds of women. His outstretched arms discreetly graze the women's chests while under the pretense of simply walking along. He earns himself a decent amount of points this way. Back in the gay neighborhood, Spenny has ordered his crew to bare their breasts to allow him to touch them. He then accosts newly-arrived immigrants to touch their breasts before realizing his mistake and welcoming them to Canada. His journey to the gay neighborhood proving fruitless, Spenny decides to move on.

Kenny has also noticed the loophole in the rules, and he heads over to a dairy farm to touch the cows' udders. Spenny has made his way to more central Toronto, where he offends people with his propositions. Kenny goes to a strip club where he refuses to touch two exotic dancers' breasts despite their pleas for him to do so. 

Spenny has gone to Chinatown where he unsuccessfully asks the locals in broken Chinese to touch their breasts. On the other end of things, Kenny has come up with an idea. He's noticed another loophole in the rules, one which allows him to touch breasts with any part of his body, not just his hands. He demonstrates by hugging his sound man, Brendan Michie. He then surprises the entire crew by having secretly organised a celebrity appearance at the local large music store, featuring himself. The attraction draws thousands of fans, the female fans of which are aware of, and enjoy his lewd behavior. He is able to outright ask them to touch their breasts and give them hugs with total success, and he gropes the male fans, who simply chuckle at the odd mannerisms they've come to expect from Kenny, who is racking up the points. 

Spenny is at the beach, where he asks women who are not in the presence of children to let him touch their breasts. After drawing too much attention to himself, he decides to leave. After his fan meet-up, Kenny enters a sex shop where he gropes all the fake breasts he can find, exploiting yet another loophole in the rules. Spenny has moved on yet again, this time finding himself in the heart of downtown Toronto, where he sets up shop as a doctor performing breast exams on both men and women. The idea is scoffed at by bystanders, but eventually participants emerge from the crowd of hecklers. He informs all participants that he is not a licensed physician to avoid lawsuits. Kenny, at a mannequin warehouse, feels up all the female ones before stripping naked and goofing off. 

Spenny is finally catching a break with his breast exam tent, but reveals that the paternal part of himself disapproves of the women showing him, a complete stranger, their breasts. He inquires about Kenny, and on cue, the camera cuts to Kenny in a meat shop, feeling up every single chicken breasts they have in stock. Once Spenny runs out of time on the rented area he's set up his tent on, he and the crew depart. In the van, the crew suggests a Girls Gone Wild parody for him to perform, where they will film drunk girls who will flash their breasts for the camera. Spenny agrees.

Once his energy is regained, Spenny briefs his crew on the situation, and comes up with a new persona to act out while on the streets. They take to the clubs in a stretch limo with a poster showing off the words Women Gone Crazy. Spenny's new character is very laid back and cool compared to his real self. Arriving at their destination, Spenny is annoyed by the bouncers of the club, who refuse him access despite his booking. He promptly invites the women in line for the club into the limo to show him their breasts.

A group of friends all enter and allow Spenny to touch their bare breasts. Once they leave, one of the girls' angered boyfriends attacks the crew outside the limo, and so Spenny hurries them in the limo to make their escape. 

The final scores are tallied. Spenny has an ultimate score of 73, while Kenny has touched so many breasts his score is uncountable. Kenny wins the competition.