Who Can Produce More Semen?
Kenny's "Cum Rulez":

1 - No homeless gentlemen. 2 - No children. 3 - No corpses, animal or human. 4 - Spenny cannot masturbate Kenny to make Kenny ejaculate. 5 - Spenny cannot drink the semen out of Kenny's beaker.

Spenny's rules:

1 - The guys have to ejaculate in two vials provided specifically for the competition.
Spenny was meant to drink Kenny's semen, but as he was sick, he refused. Kenny promptly threw a shot glass full of semen at his face.
Original airdate
December 4, 2006

Who Can Produce More Semen? is the eighth episode of the third season. Kenny and Spenny must masturbate into their own beakers. Whomever's beaker contains more semen after three days wins the competition.

The CompetitionEdit

Kenny is especially ruthless in his antics towards Spenny, the reason for which he quietly states to the camera: Spenny won't be able to ejaculate while stressed out. Spenny tells Kenny that he's thought of a fool-proof plan, which is to give the substance in Kenny's beaker a DNA test to ensure that it is in fact Kenny's semen. 

Alone in his room, Kenny scoffs at the DNA test idea, and plans to find other sources to fill his beaker with in addition to his own semen. Meanwhile, Spenny is masturbating in his room and lashing out at his crew for trying to film him doing so. 

Kenny has sex with a stuffing-filled chicken in his room, and proceeds to another activity, one which causes noise. Spenny, too stressed out to masturbate, decides to investigate. He walks in on Kenny in his closet as he is masturbating with loud music and strobe lights on. Spenny makes note of the amount of semen Kenny has in his beaker. He makes attempts at convincing Kenny that he has produced a much larger amount. 

Kenny has been filling his beaker with saliva in addition to semen, but progress is slow-going. He tries to convince his crew to masturbate into his beaker, with no luck. He is exhausted from all the masturbation he's done, and genuinely believes Spenny has been steadily filling his own beaker, and he comes up with an idea to stop all of Spenny's masturbating. 

Spenny cooks himself some beef and complains of only having trouble orgasming during the competition. Kenny is at Goldfield's, and inquires about ways of developing impotence. Goldfield tells him to try placing a laptop on Spenny's lap, as the radiation will cause low sperm count. Kenny, looking for a faster method, decides on blasting Spenny with an x-ray machine. He disguises himself and enters a dentist's office, emerging from the back with a large stolen x-ray machine. 

Later, Spenny is extremely sick, vomiting uncontrollably and lounging around on his bed, too tired to do anything other than get up to use the bathroom. He calls Ronnie, Kenny's doctor brother, to schedule an appointment. Meanwhile, Kenny is scouring alleyways for discarded condoms from which he can scavenge semen. 

Ronnie finds a lump in Spenny's arm and cuts it open, squeezing pus out of it. He then goes for some x-ray testing. Back home, Kenny taunts him with food and doesn't believe Spenny is actually sick, but in reality has been blasting the x-ray machine on Spenny's testicles for two nights. Despite being sick and throwing up, Spenny tries to masturbate. 

Later, while Spenny is in bed, he calls Kenny down to get him some consommé soup, and Kenny asks about what he ate. When Spenny tells him he ate the beef, a flashback reveals that Kenny had sex with it. Spenny reacts only in quiet disbelief rather than throwing his usual tantrum.

On judgment day, Kenny is anxious to get the scoring done, now believing Spenny hasn't ejaculated once since the competition began. Spenny fills his beaker with hair conditioner and wins the competition, but feels bad about cheating and comes clean once he sees how distraught Kenny is.