Goldfield Hwang
First Appeared In    Who can stay awake the longest?
Profession    Herbalist
"Follow the tips and you will be a wiener" — Goldfield

Goldfield is a herbalist who seems to know many tips that he gives to Kenny to help him with competitions. He owns a shop called "Magic Health Food" which sells vitamins, herbs, nutritional supplement as well as other items.

Kenny has referred to Goldfield as "Goldstein" and it was written once onscreen as "Goldfeld".

Goldfield's tips

To stay awake

  • Pull your hair.
  • Pull your ears
  • Drink coffee
  • Watch movies (horror or sexual)
  • Don't do sexual intercourse
  • Contract your anus
  • Slap your face
  • Use coffee pills

To stand up

  • Wiggle your toes to increase blood-flow.
  • Leaning looks like standing.

Getting exercise

  • "Sexercise" is the best form of exercise, which, if you don't have a wife or girlfriend, is thinking of those "hot things" and pretending there is a woman with you


  • Goldfield claims to have stayed awake for "7 days and 7 nights".
  • Goldfield has a strong accent causing him to say winner as "wiener".
  • Goldfield claims to have enlarged his penis by up to four inches using a secret technique he will take to his grave.
  • Godlfield claims to have lost 30 pounds by using something "along those lines" of sexercise.

  Cast edit

Kenny HotzSpenny RiceGoldfield HwangTzafi HotzRonnie HotzMiriam Hotz

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